Dear Miss SmartyPants,
I read your column every chance I get. I see you have a lot of questions on relationships and was hoping you could give me some advice. I work for a company that has a satellite warehouse. I am interested in a gentlemen who works at the warehouse and we have met so we know each other. We chat and flirt on the phone for short periods of time (3-5 minutes) and then take care of business. We've sent a few flirty emails back and forth. This has been going on since December.
I planned to travel up near the warehouse with a girlfriend, so I asked him if he would meet us for lunch. He said he would and to let him know when. I set a date and he said that he had an auction that day. He invited me and my friend to come up to it. Unfortunately she couldn't go due to a family emergency so I went alone.
I chatted with him after it was over and without thinking asked him to pencil me in for a weekend in August to accompany me to a wedding as my escort. (No family would be involved at this wedding. It's a friend of mine but I forgot to tell him this). Anyway he didn't say anything and I left shortly afterward.
I realize I was way, way too forward and beat myself up on the way home for about 1 1/2 hours and decided to just go to the wedding myself. Monday I sent him an email and apologized for being too forward and said I would behave myself from now on. So some of the last couple of conversations have been flirty and some have been cool.
My friend and I plan to travel near the warehouse in a month or so but I don't know if I should ask him about meeting us for lunch again or not. I know he is running from another gal that is coming on really strong to him. I know I crossed the line and apologized for it. My friend says to relax and maybe he'll come around. I've gone back to being flirtatious with him, but maybe I should be cool towards him. I just don't know if he will come around or not.
It seems to be the pattern in my relationship history. I find something good and go and mess it up. I really do like this gentleman and he is the first one I have been really interested in, in a long, long time. What do I do?
The next move is his. Give him time to decide what he wants to do. Keep your emails friendly, but neither flirtatious nor cool. You've apologized, so don't bring it up again. Don't invite him for lunch next month. You may not have messed this up, but you do want to back off after your impetuous invitation. If he wants to pursue you, he'll figure out a way. If not, please try to be a little more circumspect the next time you're interested in a guy. I'm rooting for you!