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Petrified

Dear Miss SmartyPants,

I am due to get married in a matter of weeks. Everything is all set, but me. I have cold feet (I'm the bride). My fiancé and I are opposites, but we have wonderful moments when I feel like he's the perfect guy for me and then I have moments when I'm not sure.

I'm freaking out. I feel overwhelmed and trapped and I don't know what to do. Everything about this wedding has not been as fun and happy as I thought it would be and I don't know if that's just normal wedding planning drama or if it's because I'm not 100% sure about this. I want to run away and hide so I don't have to face these questions and so I don't make a mistake, but running away could be a bigger mistake. I am seeing a counselor on my own, but I don't feel like it's helping me sort through my issues. I know you deal with questions like this all the time so I thought maybe you could provide some helpful insight. My mood is very low so I am considering taking antidepressants and that may help me get through this, but I could use your no-nonsense advice. Help.

Petrified

Dear Petrified,

Postpone the wedding.

Quick - how did that make you feel? I'm guessing relieved (and probably a little nauseated, too, which goes with it). You're not in any condition to be married, right?

The only thing worse than postponing a wedding is a divorce, especially one that you know you could have prevented. If you can't wholeheartedly commit to this guy now, don't do it. It takes a lot of courage to postpone a wedding with all the expense and stigma but it is better than the alternative of marrying with a lot of doubt and divorcing a few years later.

And what if you go through with the wedding in spite of your fears, and start having kids? You certainly should not have kids until you are sure you made the right decision about your marriage. Maybe in time you will gain the surety about this guy that you need. Maybe not. Be absolutely positively sure.

Or, go ahead. Get married. But first, get yourself a contract with a network for a reality show, to be called "The Divorce." Here's the concept: You let viewers across America share in your uncertainty (and perhaps your fiancé's as well, for all you know). Then, the viewers (as well as the big gambling houses) will lay their odds down on how long the marriage will last. Finally, we'll watch week-by-week 'til it's over, one way or another. Either way, you hit the jackpot.

Alternatively, you could take the boring, dignified route and postpone.






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